I want to show you some research by sociologist Reuben Hill. Hill’s research revealed how different parenting styles led to different responses among children. There are 4. Let's start with the worst type.
Parent is Absent
Often times, when the topic of absent parenting we thinking of the parent who is addicted to drugs or alcohol. Yes this is sometimes true…But did you know that some absent parents are those who are extremely successful in their careers?
Most people know who Steve Jobs is.
The man who changed everyone one of our lives.
The iPhone completely changed how we communicate, learn, and play games.
In an August 3, 2018 People Magazine ran a a story titled:
“Steve Jobs’ Daughter Recall Their Troubled Relationship:‘MyExistence Ruined His Streak’ - People Magazine August 3, 2018
Within this article Lisa Brennan-Jobs talks about how her dad at first denied that he was even her father. (ADNA test would reveal Steve Jobs was in fact her dad), to trying to build a relationship with him. Look at this,
“For a long time I hoped the if I played one role, my father would take the corresponding role. I would be the beloved daughter; he would be the indulgent father. If I had observed his as he was, or admitted to myself what I saw, I would have known that he would not do this.” - People Magazine August 3, 2018
She goes on to say…
“For him, I was a blot on a spectacular ascent, as our story did not fit with he narrative of greatness and virtue he might have wanted for himself. My existence ruined his streak.”-PeopleMagazine August 3, 2018
- Show no interest = Kids become Self sufficient
- Flip-Flop emotions = Kids become Emotionally hardened
- Uninvolved = Kids become Rebellious
- Lack follow-through = Kids become Underachievers
- Lack boundaries = Kids become Insecure
Hill sums up this type of parenting saying,
“Children brought up in this home environment tend to rank lowest across all life domains. These children tend to lack self-control, have low self-esteem and are less competent than their peers.” R. Hill
Parent as Friend
- Overprotect = Kids become Spoiled
- Give in = Kids become Manipulative
- are Desperate for harmony = Kids become Disrespectful
- alway Rescue = Kids become Irresponsible
- are Too helpful = Kids become Helpless
“Life lessons are often learned later in life at a higher cost.” R. Hill
Parent as Drill Sergent
We know what this parent says.
Most of us have said this.
I’ve probably said it today.
“Because I said so.” - Every Parent Ever.
- Dominate = Kids become Rebellious
- Have no flexibility = Kids become Afraid to fail
- Critical = Kids become Overly sensitive to criticism
If this is the only way you parent you can…
“[Expect your child] to be obedient and proficient, but they rank lower in happiness, social competence and self-esteem.” R. Hill
This next parenting approach is the target.
Parent as Coach
- Love = Kids become Secure
- Encourage = Kids become Confident
- Comfort = Kids become Compassionate
- Are Sincere = Kids become Honest
As a parent we have been tasked to get more out of kids than they think they can give.
Some times that includes a high-five.
Some times that means we grab them by the jersey, pull them close, and get in their ear.
Some times that means they need to set the bench.
This idea of a coach is how Jesus loves and leads us.
Jesus leads us to love in ways that we didn’t think possible.
Jesus leads us to forgive when we don’t think we can.
Jesus leads us to lead…Even when we are way over our head.
Jesus completely and fully LOVES us up.
May we be like Jesus.